Bhai Dooj tilak vidhi: the thali, the steps and the story of Yamuna भाई दूज तिलक विधि: थाली, चरण और यमुना जी की कथा

The article

Bhai Dooj is on Wednesday 11 November this year, the second day of the bright half of Kartik. In Bengal it is Bhai Phonta, in Maharashtra Bhau Beej, in Nepal Bhai Tika. The names and the details change from place to place. The heart of it does not: a sister puts a tilak on her brother's forehead, feeds him, and they wish each other well.

## The story behind it

The story that families tell is about Yama and his sister Yamuna, the children of Surya. Yamuna asked her brother many times to come and eat at her home, and he was always busy. On the second day of the bright half of Kartik he finally came. She was so happy that she bathed early, cooked for him, put a tilak on his forehead and fed him with her own hands. Yama was moved and asked her what she wanted. She asked that he come to her every year on this day, and that every brother who visits his sister on this day be blessed. That is why the day is called Yama Dwitiya.

This is a household katha, told in vrat katha books and by grandmothers. We give it here as family tradition.

## The thali

- Roli or kumkum and a few grains of unbroken rice (akshat) - A small lamp - Kalawa, the red and yellow thread - Sweets, and in many Uttar Pradesh and Bihar homes a dry coconut (gola) - A few flowers, and a little water in a lota

## The steps

1. **Fix the time.** Many panchangs give an afternoon window for the tilak, called aparahna. Look it up for your city. If it does not suit your day, do it when the family is together. 2. **Make a small place.** Some families draw a square (chowk) with rice flour and seat the brother on a low stool inside it. Whether he faces east or north differs by family; follow your own. 3. **The tilak.** The sister applies roli with her ring finger, presses a few grains of rice onto it, and ties the kalawa on his right wrist. 4. **The aarti.** She moves the lamp around his face, slowly, and the family says a short prayer for his health and long life. 5. **The food.** She feeds him a sweet, and then a full meal if he has come home. In many homes she has kept a light fast until this point. 6. **The gift.** The brother gives her a gift and touches her feet if she is older, or blesses her if she is younger.

## When you are far apart

Many brothers and sisters live in different cities or countries. One gentle way: the sister prepares her thali and lights the lamp on a video call at the agreed time. The brother keeps roli and rice ready and puts the tilak on himself while she does the aarti on her side. Then each of you eats something sweet. It is not the same as sitting together, but it is still the two of you keeping the day.

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